I’ve been working on boundaries all my life it seems, as I'm sure we all have. Learning since childhood and then re-inforcing as the years go by.
Identifying when to set them is the hardest. Of course, we don't want to encourage isolation or risk missing out on great life experiences and relationships.
That can still be a lifelong struggle for me even now. Knowing when and when not.
Recently, a friend gave me an analogy that really hit home. I’ve even seen it on some insta reels. Or at least something similar.
She told me to think about the cover charge to get into a club or gym. You pay the fee or you don’t get in. That’s it.
I need to think of access to me like I’d think of a cover charge. If you don’t pay for it, you don’t get access to me.
This is HARD for me as I have learned that everything and everyone gets to be included. However, life teaches us (or we learn the hard way) that even in amazing friendships and relationships with those you love deeply, setting boundaries is actually crucial to keep the bond healthy and long-term.
I know with your own children this is a TOUGH ONE too.
However, if you tell people that being kind, considerate, and respectful is your cover charge, then they can either pay it or they don’t get access.
Of course, everyone will have different core values, but for me, those 3 values are my cover charge.
Of course, it doesn't always work at first! This can mean years of learning and applying.
Let's see the types of boundaries:
Physical boundaries are the easiest to recognise. Only you are entitled to your body, space, and belongings.
Emotional boundaries are when you separate your feelings from those of others.
Time Boundaries - Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day, making your time as valuable as anyone else’s.
Internal boundaries are those you set with yourself. Guided by your values, morals, and capabilities.
Boundaries are not RESTRICTING or DEPRIVING you in any way if done effectively. It just means its another little step towards you being TRUE to you :) x
If you’re like me and you also struggle with boundaries, I hope this helps you today.
Check with me when's my next 21-day Challenge - we dive deep into healthy boundary work. https://www.nataliehill.com/meno-mindset